dating.

people tell you all the time that you're beautiful that you're pretty that you're elegant.
do you have a boyfriend? they ask.
and when you reply in the negative they think you're kidding.


no, no kidding at all. look at this solemn face.


they pull back, blink, study you carefully, make sure that you're not joking, which you never are.
and then you know they're thinking it.
and most times they say it.
"you must have a horrible personality then."


yeah well. you can only shrug in reply because what else can you do?

sometimes i wonder whats wrong with me. because if what everyone is telling me is true, shouldn't i be beating boys off with a stick?
i don't get it.
i would love more than anything to lace my fingers with another, to walk down the streets with him beside me.
and i watch everyone around me pair up
damn it, if she can get one, why can't i?

its not that i need a guy to live.
i've been happy without him and i will be happy without him.
whoever he is.

its just that it would be nice.
it would be nice to have someone who you know will love you.

maybe i really do have a horrible personality.