2010 bby.

heres to a new year.


cheers :)

i'll try not to drift through days in a happy bubble like the previous years.

maybe i'll get butthurt along the way, and may be depressed, but at least i tried.

the quiet world.

In an effort to get people to look
into each other’s eyes more,
and also to appease the mutes,
the government has decided
to allot each person exactly one hundred
and sixty-seven words, per day.


When the phone rings, I put it to my ear
without saying hello. In the restaurant
I point at chicken noodle soup.
I am adjusting well to the new way.


Late at night, I call my long distance lover,
proudly say I only used fifty-nine today.
I saved the rest for you.


When she doesn’t respond,
I know she’s used up all her words,
so I slowly whisper I love you
thirty-two and a third times.
After that, we just sit on the line
and listen to each other breathe.

- The Quiet World, Jeffrey McDaniel

merry christmas.

its christmas. or it will be, in 20 minutes.

i don't get why i'm so worked up over a holiday that isn't even mine. it isn't even of my religion.


but i still love it somehow.


i'm loving it less in recent years though. maybe its because i'm older but the magic is gone.


i didn't even realise christmas was here until christmas eve.


i wish i didn't grow up so fast. it would be nice to still have that childish innocence.

dating.

people tell you all the time that you're beautiful that you're pretty that you're elegant.
do you have a boyfriend? they ask.
and when you reply in the negative they think you're kidding.


no, no kidding at all. look at this solemn face.


they pull back, blink, study you carefully, make sure that you're not joking, which you never are.
and then you know they're thinking it.
and most times they say it.
"you must have a horrible personality then."


yeah well. you can only shrug in reply because what else can you do?

sometimes i wonder whats wrong with me. because if what everyone is telling me is true, shouldn't i be beating boys off with a stick?
i don't get it.
i would love more than anything to lace my fingers with another, to walk down the streets with him beside me.
and i watch everyone around me pair up
damn it, if she can get one, why can't i?

its not that i need a guy to live.
i've been happy without him and i will be happy without him.
whoever he is.

its just that it would be nice.
it would be nice to have someone who you know will love you.

maybe i really do have a horrible personality.

perfect

♥

i have never agreed witha quote so fucking much.

everything is illuminated.

i want that damn book. i can't find it in any bookstore in malaysia.

damn.

jonathan safran foer. we are not meant to be :D

mute your mind.

if there was one thing you could do, you would mute your mind.

and there it goes again like a runaway train and you try to stop but it spins and spins and spins, filling your head with silly thoughts and worries, keeping you awake at night. you plea for it to stop but it doesn't work because even if its your mind and you just want to tell it to shut up, it still goes on thinking and thinking until you think your head is about to explode.

its tiring.

because as you think you get paranoid and you become afraid and suddenly there's this never ending list of things you haven't done and should do but you can't because its so fucking late and you need to sleep or you'll be a zombie the next day.

but of course when you wake up, you never do the things on the hastily compiled to-do list you made last night. and so the cycle repeats itself at night.

and people wonder why the dark circles under your eyes are permanant.

谢谢

i've been saying thankyou a lot lately.

thankyouthankyouthankyou.